Validation and realness

I have always longed for external validation. The feeling of uncertainty in my choices is a common one, yet I remember a time when it was not so. Before the age of 5, I was confident, bold, enamored with myself and fully alive. I played, jumped, fell, and cried whenever I felt like it. Soon, my internal knowing and my internal feeling were replaced by actions, wants, needs others thought were ‘adequate’ for me. I grew up in Honduras, a country in Central America, where loud girls were not considered proper. I was LOUD - in my feeling, in my colors, in my actions. Between then and now, I have lost my volume, tempered and acquiesced. And my inner knowing has hidden. External validation simply helps me keep the veneer of who I think I ought to be, instead of holding up the mirror of who I am. 

Thankfully, I have become aware of the cultural and social efforts that deprived me of my inherent strength and knowing. Now, I am making a choice to reclaim them. I reclaim the full range of my emotions, the full spectrum of wants, and the freedom that comes with knowing what it is that is true for me, right now. I choose realness over a veneer any day.